Don't Ignore the Pain of Infertility

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Don’t Ignore the Pain of Infertility

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I had a bad dream last night. It wasn’t a nightmare, but it’s still a bad dream. I dreamt I had a baby. This wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last time. I’m lucky that I don’t have dreams like this too often, not even once a month, because I feel pretty bad the next day. Like usual I dreamed about the birth and it went smoothly, and I’m left holding a beautiful baby and I am so happy. In the dream I am overjoyed. I feel so good that when I wake up I feel the pain of infertility so much more than usual.

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Infertility hurts. It can hurt physically (like with endometriosis), but worse than the physical pain, it hurts emotionally. Don’t ignore the pain in yourself. If you are suffering from infertility don’t try to squash the pain. Don’t wallow in the pain, but ignoring it won’t make it go away.

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If you have a friend who is suffering, don’t ignore their pain. We aren’t asking that you coddle us, or pity us, just be aware. If your best friend’s husband just left her, you wouldn’t necessarily run up to her with news of your engagement, or how awesome your honeymoon was. The same is true about infertility. The difference is that with infertility, as time goes on the pain doesn’t fade. Each month we are reminded how empty our arms are until we finally have the baby we already love so much. For people that have been trying for 10 or more years, like the wonderful woman who runs Infertility Awareness, they are still reminded month after month, that while their body goes through the motions their dreams may never be realized.

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We hate that pregnancy news brings us down. We feel guilty that your good news makes us feel bad. We know we should be happy when a close friend is pregnant, and we are, but we are also reminded of what we don’t have. Please try to be patient if your best friend doesn’t feel up to coming to your baby shower, or doesn’t comment on your baby pictures on Facebook. She isn’t trying to hurt you; she is just trying to get through her day without bursting into tears. Some days nothing bothers us, and some days we can’t handle just seeing a baby picture. Remember that infertility is real, it is painful, and it is not something we brought on to ourselves, nor something that we can fix.  

The links below have more information about infertility and NIAW.

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)