Baby Talk

Yesterday I had a rough experience. Right in the middle of my day as I was sitting at my desk, where I work as secretary in the school in a state prison, my boss and one of the teachers came into the office and were discussing the teacher’s upcoming baby. His wife is expecting their second baby in February, and they just found out it will be a boy. Their first is a girl so they are just tickled at being able to have one of each. My boss and the teacher talked for about a half hour about their babies, the new ultrasound system that measured every inch of the baby, and how he was not willing to have only one child because he didn’t want to have an only child (good thing they didn’t suffer from secondary infertility). He talked about his daughter who is turning 3 and the cute things she does, and they talked about the little machine my boss bought the teachers daughter so that she can listen to the baby in mommy’s tummy.

I am not super sensitive about hearing about others babies and pregnancies. I don’t burst into tears at a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. Some people do and I feel for those who are in a place where just hearing about babies pushes them over the edge. But I am pretty okay with it. During this same week a different teacher came in my office for the sole purpose of showing me pictures of his newest granddaughter. I looked at them politely and gave them back to him. I can handle that stuff. When I look at pictures like that I do it in a way where I am learning about ways to photograph babies, since photography is my passion. So while I can hear about new pregnancies and new babies being born without it pushing me over the edge, I have a hard time listening to a half hour of nonstop baby talk in my office where I can’t get away. I didn’t cry but I felt sad and I got kind of sick to my stomach that I think was related to the sadness.

It’s really hard hearing about what it seems like I will never have…