Mother's Day Blues

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We know that a day of happiness for the rest of the country should not be a day of pain for us. We hate to take away from or hinder the joy that our own mothers, sisters and friends deserve to have on this day. But we can’t help feeling a little sad for ourselves. And like usual, we feel bad for feeling bad. Nothing feels worse than to feel like you are raining on someone’s well deserved parade.

When we started on this journey towards a baby, whether 2, 5, or 10 or more years ago, we thought we would be a mother by now. Every year we were sure that next year we would get to celebrate Mother’s Day the way we hope for. Every year we might be a little less sure, but we still hope. So when Mother’s Day comes around we are reminded that another year as gone by and we still aren’t parents.

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Mother’s Day can be a source of pain for others too. If you have lost your mom, or you have a broken relationship with her, you may not be overjoyed to see this day arrive. Likewise if you are a mother who has lost a child or is estranged from your child you may also grieve instead of celebrate on this day. Mother’s Day can be bittersweet for you if you have kids but have lost your mother, or vice versa. It can also be bittersweet for those battling secondary infertility (inability to have a child after at least one successful pregnancy). A mother who already has children but longs for more and is unable to achieve their dream will celebrate with their dear children while mourning those lost in miscarriage or wanted but never realized.

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Some of us have found peace in the relationships we have, whether with our moms, our stepchildren, or even out pets. But even if the day is mostly joy, there is still a little pain. We mourn what we have tried so long for, and shed tears remembering a time when we were sure we were pregnant and it was going to last, when we were looking forward to our 1^st Mother’s Day as a mom, only for our hopes to be dashed sometime before our day came.

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Whatever the reason, if you are experiencing some sadness as Mother’s Day approaches don’t beat yourself up about it. Know that you can be sad for yourself while still being happy for others. Pray for guidance and for comfort, and if you don’t think you can handle church with all the talk about motherhood and services honoring mothers, stay at home and worship privately. Know that God understands and doesn’t wish for you to torture yourself, or feel guilty for missing a service.

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For our friends who are mothers, if you have a friend who is hurting this weekend please try to understand that she is not trying to take away from your happiness. Please pray for us to be able to get through this weekend with God’s help and as few tears as possible.