Dreaming for My Child - And Enjoying My Nieces

I dream about the day that Ben and I can take our toddler to the zoo, or to the park to swing on the swings and go down the slide. I long for the feedings, the smiles and those tiny fingers to grab mine. The other day we were at Walmart looking at all the Easter Baskets, and it started us talking about the kinds of things we would put in our child’s Easter Basket. 

But while I dream, I make sure to enjoy the reality, which is my adorable nieces, who I love so much. This weekend I got to see 2 of them, and briefly video chatted with another. It made for a great weekend. We went to the Chattanooga Zoo with the Layla, watched Winnie the Pooh, danced and shared dinner. I gave a bottle to Storie and got some great shots of that two month old lighting up the room with her smile, and the 3 year old discovering the world around her and emanating innocence.

While I will always have that hope that one day it will be Ben and I our kids, I strive not to let that shadow of longing block out the sun that is my current family. If you don’t take the time to enjoy what you have, you will never be happy because there will always be something that you wish for. When I think about my nieces it brings a smile to my face, and when I know I’m going to get to spend time with them I can hardly wait to get through my week.

“Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it”

          -William Feather

Are You Pregnant?

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This is not a fun question. I usually hear it when I’m sick, as a question or as a prediction- “Maybe you’re pregnant”. I don’t get mad, and I don’t blame the person asking it, because most people don’t realize that I would know if I was pregnant. I always know what day of my cycle I am on and whether or not I could be pregnant. Also it is SO hard for those of us trying to keep from getting excited during our “two week wait”.  For infertile couples the Two Week Wait (2ww) is the time between ovulation, at which point some have had Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) or In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Others that not doing IUI or IVF may have just been taking medication to help them ovulate and having Timed Intercourse (TI) which is just planning to have sex at the right time of the month. Even those that aren’t on any medication, like me, are still stressed out. Most of us already read too much into every twitch and stomach ache and mood swing thinking that it means we are pregnant, that we don’t need others predicting for us.

Another problem we have is dreaming we are pregnant. Most people I know battling infertility dream on occasion that they are pregnant and/or have just had a baby. I had another dream last night about getting pregnant and giving birth.  Every time I dream about it I dream that it goes really smooth. It’s such a bummer to wake up from a dream like this, but I guess it’s nice while I’m dreaming, because I’m so happy.

In conclusion: Infertility Sucks!