About Me

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I'm a 29 year old self identifying hippie and amateur photographer. I've been married since Summer 2006, and we started trying to get pregnant the summer of 2007, I have 2 cats and a dog, and I work as a secretary in a prison. This blog is about my battle with infertility and life, love, faith and happiness in the face of infertility. All pictures in the collage and those that I post in my entries were taken by me, unless otherwise stated (or if they are of me of course). Come visit my photography page to see more of my work here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hannah-Love-Chandlers-Photography/282550090053

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Part Two of My Infertility Story - The Miscarriage

In November of 2009 we got pregnant naturally, while on a break, while not even counting cycle days. We found out we were pregnant at the very end of the month, the Monday after Thanksgiving. We were so excited that we were pregnant we had already decided on the name for if it was a boy, and were talking about names for girls. The Friday after we found out we were pregnant with a home pregnancy test we went to the fertility clinic and got a blood test that showed we were definitely pregnant but that my progesterone was very low. They prescribed a supplement for me but it was too late. The following day I started bleeding, and I was devastated. We had to tell everybody that I had a miscarriage, because we had foolishly told family and my close infertility friends, and then announced it on Facebook.

I was so brokenhearted by the miscarriage. At that point I knew that I could only handle going through one or possibly two more of those. I know plenty of people have had several miscarriages, but I don’t think I could handle more than 2 or possibly 3 miscarriages altogether. The one thing that got me through it was my husband. He reminded me that me and him together, just the two of us, are really awesome. Our marriage is really great, we love being together, we make each other laugh; we as a couple are awesome. He likes to call us the Super Couple, and compares us with all our siblings and their relationships.

One time when we were goofing around we were like wrestling (in a completely non-sexual way) in the living room. At one point he was standing next to the arm of the couch and I pushed him and he fell backwards over the arm onto the couch. He rolled off the couch and started to get up and I jumped on his back because I knew he was going to retaliate. However, when I was on his back as he stood up I fell forward, over his head, and landed on my arm with my elbow bent underneath me. When I fell he fell on top of me, and I screamed about my elbow and he got off me and I got my elbow out from under me. Even through the pain I was still laughing and I still consider that a very fun incident. When I went to the doctor the next day to have x-rays (I’m very fragile and am always hurting myself, and my elbow was still hurting) and I told this story to the nurse she told me that that is not the way to make a baby! I laughed and told her I know, but it was fun until I almost broke my elbow. This is only one example of the many times we have had so much fun together, just goofing around and picking on each other. We thoroughly enjoy ourselves and each other, so much so that we annoy those around us. One time when we were on a trip with his dad and some of his brothers we annoyed the heck out of all them with the way we picked on each other the whole car ride. We like to knock each other’s books out of our hands while we are reading, all sorts of fun stuff like that.

So as devastating as the miscarriage was my husband helped me get through it. When he reminded me of how great we are together it was a tiny bit easier to handle. I still fell into a depression after that, without aid of Clomid and eventually I went on Prozac which helped some. Clearly I still think about this miscarriage a lot, and I worry that when I do get pregnant again it will end in another miscarriage. Anytime I am late I run to the doctor to have a blood test, even if I have a negative home pregnancy test, because I am worried that I am pregnant but need the progesterone supplement. I am so worried that I am going miscarry again.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Part One of My Infertility Story

So this is my first blog ever. 

I titled my blog Hannah to Hannah because I am named after Hannah in the bible, and like her I have fertility issues.  You can read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel chapter 1. I couldn’t think what else to name it so there it is, it may be dumb but I guess I’m stuck. 

A quick note about my tie-dye rainbow background, I love things that are pretty and brightly colored and as a result I love rainbow colored things. As a result of that I have people ask me if I am gay. I am not gay; I just love brightly colored things. This background has no hidden meaning, only that I like to think of myself as a little bit of a hippie. My car is covered in Daisy and Peace Sign stickers, and there is a rainbow Peace Frog on the back. I prefer to go barefoot whenever possible, and I was barefoot when I got married, outside in mom’s front yard. I believe I also went barefoot at my sister’s wedding since it was also outside in a park. 

Now more about me; I’m 25, married 5 years to the love of my life that makes me laugh every single day. I’m a photographer at heart, taking mostly scenic pics but also some portraits. I have a Facebook page showcasing my work here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hannah-Love-Chandlers-Photography/282550090053

Now for my infertility story. I guess I will tell this in installments. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for four years. We got married on July 16th, 2006 and the following July we decided to start trying to have kids. I talked to my doctor and went off my birth control, and we naturally thought we could get pregnant right away, because that’s what they tell you, that’s why I was on birth control. “You have to use birth control or you will have an unplanned pregnancy.” I had thoughts back in high school that I might have problems having kids because I’m so irregular, but I put it out of my head and we went on our merry way trying. I was taking folic acid and prenatal vitamins, buying pregnancy tests and hoping month after month.

After about 6 months or so I saw an OB/GYN and she did an endometrial biopsy on the spot. At the time I didn’t know better, but later I learned that rarely do doctors do that test first because it is painful. Most doctors do ultrasounds and blood tests first, but this one thought that I couldn’t get pregnant because I was overweight, and also that I had diabetes because I was overweight. She told me to get tested for diabetes, and I told her that I literally had just been tested by my regular doctor a few weeks ago. She did her one test and told me that my weight was the reason I wasn’t getting pregnant. She had her office call me when my test came back and said I did not have endometriosis, but she made sure to tell the nurse who called me tell me to get tested for diabetes. This doctor had no interest in working with me or doing any tests or anything, clearly she didn’t care for overweight people. I wasn’t going to go back to her anyways, but at the time my husband got hired as a Corrections Officer in a state prison in Tennessee, so we were moving.

At the very end of ’08 or beginning of ’09, after we got settled in Tennessee and I had a new job and could afford to see the doctor again I made an appointment with an OB/GYN who said that she could tell from my symptoms that I probably had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) but she was going to do an ultrasound and check for the cysts. PCOS is a condition where there are a bunch of little cysts on the ovaries and because of those cysts the ovaries quit working. The ultrasound showed cysts and she put me on a medicine for that called Metformin. She also gave me a prescription for Clomid, which makes you ovulate. I decided to only take the first prescription for PCOS because Metformin is supposed to treat the PCOS and restore normal function to the ovaries, and sometimes that is the only treatment women need to start ovulating and to get pregnant.

By the summer of 2009 I decided to start the Clomid and go see a Fertility Specialist for monitoring while on it. Another reason I didn’t want to start the Clomid if I didn’t need it is because the OB/GYN told me that most women when they are on Clomid (only about 5 days a month) they are much moodier than normal. I didn’t want to feel like I had PMS more than I had to, even though the doctor made it sound like it should only be an extra 5 days of moodiness. We went to the Nashville Fertility Clinic and had some more tests and we happened to go on the exact right day, because when they did the ultrasound they saw that I had two mature eggs about to drop. We were so excited, thinking that this would be our month, we had two eggs, chances were one would get fertilized. We followed doctor’s orders and had sex every other day, but we didn’t get pregnant. Now by this point we had been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years, so ‘trying’ was no longer that fun. Not that we didn’t have fun, but it just seemed more like a chore, especially when we were doing it on a schedule. Not to mention that the Clomid didn’t make me moody for 5 days, it made me moody for the entire month! Each month got worse, and it made me very depressed, always angry or crying, as well as foggy headed. I went off the Clomid at the end of the summer of 2009, and we decided to take a break.

This is where I will stop for now; I will share more in my next post.