About Me

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I'm a 29 year old self identifying hippie and amateur photographer. I've been married since Summer 2006, and we started trying to get pregnant the summer of 2007, I have 2 cats and a dog, and I work as a secretary in a prison. This blog is about my battle with infertility and life, love, faith and happiness in the face of infertility. All pictures in the collage and those that I post in my entries were taken by me, unless otherwise stated (or if they are of me of course). Come visit my photography page to see more of my work here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hannah-Love-Chandlers-Photography/282550090053

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Part Two of My Infertility Story - The Miscarriage

In November of 2009 we got pregnant naturally, while on a break, while not even counting cycle days. We found out we were pregnant at the very end of the month, the Monday after Thanksgiving. We were so excited that we were pregnant we had already decided on the name for if it was a boy, and were talking about names for girls. The Friday after we found out we were pregnant with a home pregnancy test we went to the fertility clinic and got a blood test that showed we were definitely pregnant but that my progesterone was very low. They prescribed a supplement for me but it was too late. The following day I started bleeding, and I was devastated. We had to tell everybody that I had a miscarriage, because we had foolishly told family and my close infertility friends, and then announced it on Facebook.

I was so brokenhearted by the miscarriage. At that point I knew that I could only handle going through one or possibly two more of those. I know plenty of people have had several miscarriages, but I don’t think I could handle more than 2 or possibly 3 miscarriages altogether. The one thing that got me through it was my husband. He reminded me that me and him together, just the two of us, are really awesome. Our marriage is really great, we love being together, we make each other laugh; we as a couple are awesome. He likes to call us the Super Couple, and compares us with all our siblings and their relationships.

One time when we were goofing around we were like wrestling (in a completely non-sexual way) in the living room. At one point he was standing next to the arm of the couch and I pushed him and he fell backwards over the arm onto the couch. He rolled off the couch and started to get up and I jumped on his back because I knew he was going to retaliate. However, when I was on his back as he stood up I fell forward, over his head, and landed on my arm with my elbow bent underneath me. When I fell he fell on top of me, and I screamed about my elbow and he got off me and I got my elbow out from under me. Even through the pain I was still laughing and I still consider that a very fun incident. When I went to the doctor the next day to have x-rays (I’m very fragile and am always hurting myself, and my elbow was still hurting) and I told this story to the nurse she told me that that is not the way to make a baby! I laughed and told her I know, but it was fun until I almost broke my elbow. This is only one example of the many times we have had so much fun together, just goofing around and picking on each other. We thoroughly enjoy ourselves and each other, so much so that we annoy those around us. One time when we were on a trip with his dad and some of his brothers we annoyed the heck out of all them with the way we picked on each other the whole car ride. We like to knock each other’s books out of our hands while we are reading, all sorts of fun stuff like that.

So as devastating as the miscarriage was my husband helped me get through it. When he reminded me of how great we are together it was a tiny bit easier to handle. I still fell into a depression after that, without aid of Clomid and eventually I went on Prozac which helped some. Clearly I still think about this miscarriage a lot, and I worry that when I do get pregnant again it will end in another miscarriage. Anytime I am late I run to the doctor to have a blood test, even if I have a negative home pregnancy test, because I am worried that I am pregnant but need the progesterone supplement. I am so worried that I am going miscarry again.


  1. Thanks for sharing Hannah! I'm sure you'll never forget the m/c. You show so much strength moving on and trying again and knowing you might get hurt again, but being ready for it. Awesome! Look forward to reading more!

  2. I forgot to mention that this photo of Ben is the consequence of our doctor making us wait for like 20 minutes. He filled up one of the blue gloves they have in their office and posed for a bunch of pics with it and then laid it on the sink like it was coming out of it. He waited for the Doctor to mention it after she came in and when she ignored it he asked her about it. She said she was trying to think about the last time there was a child in the room! It was great, he is such a fun-loving and hilarious man.