So last night (technically this morning) we did something I have never done. We went out a little after 3:00 am and lay out in my hammock to watch the Orionids Meteor Shower. I hadn’t yet gone to sleep; I was staying up to watch the shower and then go to bed. My husband got some extra sleep during the day and then just woke up at 3 to watch the shower and then get ready for work, since he always gets up for work at 4:30am. It was 37 degrees outside, 36 by the time I finally went in. So we dressed in extra layers pulled the hoods of our hoodies up over our heads, and lay down with our eyes to the heavens hunting meteorites. At first it was a letdown. We saw only 4 from 3:15 until 4:00 when my husband gave up and went back in because he was so cold and wanted to warm up before getting ready for work. At that point, even though we only saw 4 I was glad we had done this. 4 is more “shooting stars” than I have ever seen in my life, so it was worth it, but nowhere near the 15-25 per hour predicted for peak viewing times. From 4:00 to 4:15 I saw none, and I decided I would tough it out until I saw one more, or until I couldn’t handle the cold any longer. Around 4:15 I saw one more, but being the stubborn woman I am I decided to stay out for one more. That’s how it went for the last 15 minutes, during which time I saw 8, twice more than what we saw during the first hour. Finally I could handle the cold no longer, made one last ‘one more meteorite’ promise to myself, saw one more awesome meteorite, which was the best or second best of the night and went in with my whole night’s total coming to 13 meteorites.
Seeing this meteor shower encouraged me to look into other meteor showers that go on during the year, and I have learned some tips and have plans for making this a better experience next time. It was an amazing sight to see, and it makes me think of how most people don’t see this or even know it’s going on. God is performing a laser show several times a year to an empty house that doesn’t even know the show is going on.
Also staring up at the night sky and watching as my night vision improved until I could see countless stars put my problems into a little perspective. Observing the millions of stars and the few shooting stars draws my attention away from inside myself, reminding me that I am not the center of the universe. Also seeing the shooting stars reminds me that God can do anything, and that He has a plan for everything. Just because His plan doesn’t line right up with mine doesn’t mean He doesn’t have a plan. He knows what He’s doing.
P.S. The main point of today’s entry has been what I have already posted. But I feel that to be a responsible infertile sharing my struggles with others, some of whom haven’t been here and can’t understand, I need to clarify some things. Me (or another battling infertility) saying that God has a plan is not the same as somebody not in our situation saying “it must not be God’s time for you” or “maybe God has different plans for you” because we infertiles know this. Just because we are having fertility problems and that this month wasn’t in God’s plan, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be trying, that we shouldn’t be exploring our options, or that we can’t be sad, nor does it mean God doesn’t want us to have a baby. Saying that we should just have faith or that it wasn’t God’s time for you yet usually isn’t comforting, nor is it very sensitive to our needs. What we need is just for you say you are here for us. Here is a blog with some things to say, and some things not to say to somebody who’s been trying. http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/infertility-help