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I'm a 29 year old self identifying hippie and amateur photographer. I've been married since Summer 2006, and we started trying to get pregnant the summer of 2007, I have 2 cats and a dog, and I work as a secretary in a prison. This blog is about my battle with infertility and life, love, faith and happiness in the face of infertility. All pictures in the collage and those that I post in my entries were taken by me, unless otherwise stated (or if they are of me of course). Come visit my photography page to see more of my work here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hannah-Love-Chandlers-Photography/282550090053

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


The first sentence of my last post can be taken wrongly. Especially if you read only the first sentence, and especially if what you know about me personally is taken mostly from what I post on Facebook, for example, if you know me through a friend.  So I’m going to dissect that first sentence so maybe it can be better understood. I do ask that if you read only the first sentence, please read it all the way through, because that first sentence is not the point of the post.

The sentence in question: When I try to look to the future I can’t see us in a place other than where the bills are piling up, sex is a chore, and I’ve got baby on the brain.

Part one: the bills are piling up. This is not to say that we are flat broke, that we don’t have any money, or that we can’t afford to pay our bills. This is just saying that with doctor visits and the way the economy is, we aren’t rolling in the dough.

Part two: sex is a chore. I love my husband; I enjoy sex with my husband. But when sex has to be scheduled, when it is required and must be done on a certain day, at a certain time, it becomes a chore. Not just for me, but for him too. This doesn’t mean we never have sex for fun, but when we are having sex just because it is the right time of the month and not just because we are in the mood, that makes it a chore. This sentiment is common for people who have been trying to get pregnant for several years. But, it doesn’t mean that we only think of sex as a chore.

Part three: I’ve got baby on the brain. This is not me saying that I only think of having a baby every minute of every day. Again, when most of what you know about me personally is via this blog, it’s likely that it appears that I do nothing but obsess over trying to get pregnant or the fact that I can’t. This is absolutely not true. I wish I could have a baby. But it doesn’t enter my every waking thought.

That sentence was supposed to be just a little glimpse into the thoughts that a lot of infertile couples have to struggle with. These aren’t thoughts that we have all the time, but they do cross our minds.

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