To Test or Not To Test?

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So I had another negative test yesterday. Having suffered through a miscarriage and having to live with the knowledge that I may have been able to prevent it if I got to the doctor soon enough does not allow me to take a relaxed look at AF (Aunt Flo) coming late. Unfortunately I am not extremely regular so there are many months that I am a few days late. My choice once I am a few days late is to just sit around and wait and see if it shows up, or take a home pregnancy test.

If I take a test I risk wasting the money on a test and wasting some hopes on the fact that it might come up positive when it always comes up negative. If I wait around for AF to show up I take the risk that I am by some miracle pregnant and then losing it because I waited too long and didn’t get the tests done to tell me that I needed to start some supplements. Also each day of waiting around for it to show up only raises my hopes. Taking a test and having it come up negative is one way to dash those hopes early before they become harmful.

I can usually hold off on testing when I am just one day late. This month by the time I got to being a full 2 days late I went out and bought a test with the intention of testing in the morning on the 3^rd day if I still saw no signs of starting. My caring husband was worried about me taking the test and having it come up negative and push me off the edge into a depression. When I explained to him about wanting to know right away only so that I could get the necessary tests I needed that might help me keep it he understood and agreed with me. I also explain that the hopes are there and whether the no comes from AF showing up or from a negative test it still hurts. The only difference is it takes longer to get a no (with more time for hopes to build) if I wait around for AF.

The other problem that arises here is that a negative Home Pregnancy Test does not mean a definitive no and neither does spotting. I had both implantation spotting and a negative pregnancy test at some point during the few short days when I was pregnant, and I was definitely pregnant through both of those signs. So even after taking one test I can’t be sure, though it does get me through a few more days. After a few more days with no sign of AF showing up I may take another test. “I may have ovulated late, meaning that I could have got pregnant later than usual and the pregnancy hormone might show up on a home test in a few days.” See how fertility hope won’t leave me alone? There is a way to explain every symptom and negative pregnancy test, building up false hope until it’s been stacked too high and everything tumbles at the first definitive sign.

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